Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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