Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is my gift to your gina
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
