you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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