I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
