What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
