Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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