Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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