Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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