we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
