can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
