going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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