hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
