Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
