Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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