Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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