Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
