I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
