is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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