just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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