Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
