sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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