we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
