i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
