Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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