I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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