he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
