I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
