nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
