Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Quick, to the slutcave!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
