The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
