Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
