i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
