We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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