I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
