cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
