so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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