God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
