Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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