Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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