I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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