at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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