I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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