your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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