He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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