im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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