planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize