I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize