i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
