i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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