Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize