Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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