So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize