she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
