My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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