Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
