i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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