I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
vagina is talking i cant
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
