Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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