oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cannot find my penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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