I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
