She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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