Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
