I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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