I need to stop coming to work sober
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
