Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
