dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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