Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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