So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
