if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
