sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
